Maslow’s focus in creating his motivating “Maslow’s Hierarchy of needs” lay stress on the innate human positive characteristics. Conflict scholar John Burton also emphasized needs based on biological, psychological and social needs, but with no clear hierarchical order.
According to Human needs theories, conflict or violence occurs when there is a deprivation with regard to our needs not being met or when there is an absence in the respect and acceptance for our needs. But in reality is it always the case? I have seen a case not so long ago, when an educated, wealthy, highly successful couple known to me made efforts to spark off a petty battle in the divorce case of a family known to them. Fortunately for the family, to whom they suggested their fuel for a nasty court battle, good sense prevailed. The family chose to wisely but politely ignore the “seeming good advice” of their friends. It was alarming to consider the consequences had their efforts been successful and created a conflict in an otherwise agreeable divorce case.
What draws us to conflict or the desire to see or contribute to conflict? If the desire to see or create conflict occurs even after all our needs are met and satisfied then there has to be more reasons why we may still enjoy conflict or whine about things.
The soap operas that play on television also manage to draw their eager and loyal audience on a diet of conflict, treachery and betrayal.
Our determination to negate negativity and the tendency to complain in our life can become a beautiful reality. The only simple step we need to make is a conscious move to change our thinking and keep away as much as possible from toxic people and media (the media can also promote negativity or toxic thoughts in us by creating a desire in the viewer or reader to stay tuned to negative or malicious news through tabloid journalism). Our deliberate process of staying away from the undesirable thoughts creating stimulants would eventually result into an enhancement of positive pattern of thoughts, speech and behavior.
We all enjoy mingling or getting to know people who share our beliefs, similar age group, culture, food and background. However, the more we are prepared to judge others based on the differences we have with them, the less chances we will have in knowing and learning from them. Avoiding the tendency to judge or make assumptions go a long way in preventing us from being a critic or a whiner.
Children are a fantastic source of inspiration when it comes to accepting others. Unless they are exposed to disharmony, bias, negativity and prejudice at home, they enjoy the company of other children with a genuine joy. Elements like the skin colour, culture, physical appearance, financial status of their playmates are immaterial factors for friendship among children.
Practicing yoga is a excellent way to not just keep us physically fit but psychologically well too. The physical and emotional well being we experience during yoga and after the session, compel us to be more mindful of our thoughts and the utilization of our energy in the day. The more positive and happy we feel, the less we would be prone to complain.
How many times have we thought about what makes us happy and done something about something that currently does not? A constructive analysis and follow up action to do things that makes us happy goes a long way in ensuring we do not complain. When we are indulging in an activity that does not make us happy, we need to focus on the solution. How can we change a situation that will prevent an inner conflict or a disagreement with another but at the same time make us happy?
Focusing on solutions and not the problem is an amazing tool to help us lead happier lives.
Be a person you would like to meet. Visualizing a scenario where you meet someone who is positive, courteous, motivating, sincere and best of all has no interest to criticize others or complain is an inspiring way of changing our negative traits to positive ones.
Even in gatherings were negativity peppers the conversations, initiate a positive change of topic by tactfully drawing the subject to something else. In some situations when that is not possible we can always maintain our dignity through silence.
By not making a habit of complaining, we promote a happier environment. We cheer up as we cheer others up in this process. Instead of draining the environment with negativity we then become instrumental in raising the energy in the room.
“Be the Change You Want to See”